i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He passed out mid-signature
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
