Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
