Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
