so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
