yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
