grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
