Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
