the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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