She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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