I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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