We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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