I must be too annoying 4 u.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
