it was like eating out sand paper
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
