My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm passing your future prison.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
