Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
