1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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