So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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