I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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