I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
