the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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