this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
