mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
