you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
