As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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