Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
