If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
