Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
