We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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