im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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