Kiss
Puke
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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