I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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