I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
