I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
