I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
