You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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