Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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