walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
