I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
