my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
