it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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