I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
