Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
