Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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