Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
