My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
