First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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