He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
