i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
operation have a gay friend backfired
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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