Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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