Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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